The Koala On The Branch

One of my mom's favorite quotes comes from the John Lennon song "Beautiful Boy" (see Mr. Holland's Opus if you don't know it), and is this: "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."

My familiarity with that quote began when Mom received, from somewhere (maybe as a gift from another cast member in "The Foreigner"?), a little glass ornament that used to hang on the window above the sink in the kitchen of the home where my family lived until I was 13 (I really miss that house, by the way...actually, we all do).  It had a little koala bear on a branch on one side, which I never understood, but I always thought it was cute.

Turns out, this is an incredibly true and profound statement.  I have seen its reality, among other times, in the past month or so.

If you go back and read through all of my posts since this blog's inception--or, if you've spent any time with me at all since around freshman year of high school--you know that my quest for a career has not been unlike the quests of one Don Quixote.  I have spent a lot of time dreaming about possibilities, and a lot of time getting really enthused about this career or that, taking all of the necessary steps required to begin active pursuit of my vocation.  I've even had lots of supportive friends and family members grin and bear it as I've hopped around.  And hopped around.  And hopped some more.

I have spent a lot of time feeling very frustrated, as I felt like I couldn't really do anything important until I was finally in the right career, and having that "right career" remain ever-elusive--my impossible dream.

Within the past month or so, at the very wise urging of Joe, I began to pray not that I'd figure out my vocation, but that I could be content with where I am now, and be content with the reality that this may be exactly where I'm supposed to be.  Perhaps working at Starbucks isn't the most glamorous thing--and, yes, I'm wildly overqualified--and perhaps choosing to stay at home with Andy every day doesn't earn us the sort of income that we might otherwise see in our bank account--and perhaps I have had to turn down some very appealing offers--but, even still, this might be the perfect place for me at this time.  It might, Joe suggested, be the exact circumstances through which my gifts can most thoroughly be used.

Stinkin' Joe.  Always has to be right. :)

When I finally was able to let go of my visions of Bright And Glorious Career Path and Glass-Ceiling-Breaker-Plus-Mom-Extraordinaire, finally, finally enough space in my heart and head were cleared for me to discover that God has been using me--right here, right now--and in significant ways.  God has been using me even as I've been impatiently waiting--and expressing frustration--for God to finally reveal the circumstances through which He'd actually be able to use me.  Funny how that happens, eh?

Here are some of the ways that I have been able to see God working through me (and, I want to make very clear that the Scripture's not lying: apart from Him, I can do nothing, and so I boast not in myself--I'm completely incapable--but in God, who takes even the most broken, failed, stubborn vessels and makes beautiful things happen through them).

1. Chrysalis.  This is a high school retreat that, in many ways, echoes the adult Walk To Emmaus retreats.  A couple of weeks ago, I was incredibly blessed to be a part of the Chrysalis Girls Flight #40 in the Northeast Ohio community.  I had been very active in this community throughout high school and as much of college as possible, and have really, really been missing it in the years since.  I was asked to serve as a table leader, which meant that I would be spending the weekend with 5 girls (4 of whom were new to the experience), engaging in conversation, attempting to answer important questions, and just generally trying to serve them as they explored their own faith journeys.  Additionally, I was asked to give a talk on communication, especially through prayer.  Though I remain convinced that I came away from that experience having been more blessed than I was able to be a blessing to others, the outpouring of encouragement and affirmation I received from other team members, and from girls on the weekend who sought my counsel, my ear, my hugs, cannot be denied.  I felt like I established some wonderfully strong (not 'stong', right Mom? <3) connections with the girls, and was able to help them to understand the magnitude of God's love just a little bit more.  It was simply awesome.  I am now praying for doors to be opened up, in one way or another, that will allow me to continue active involvement in the life of the Northeast Ohio Chrysalis community, and also, in the lives of the girls from the weekend (both the new 'butterflies' and the entire team).

2. Starbucks: The Customers.  Last week, there was a day when I was on the front registers and we were ridiculously busy.  I somehow managed to find a way to connect with every single one of the people with whom I spoke.  There was one couple, in particular, with whom I bonded especially well (fortunately, when they came through the line, no one was behind them, so we got to talk for several minutes).  People have always seemed to open up to me with their stories, even if they have no idea who I am, and I take this as affirmation of my ability to be approachable, trustworthy and kind.  I try to make a point to smile and make eye contact with each customer--it's amazing how many of them will respond in kind.  The other night, I had a customer mention that I was an exceptionally friendly person, which felt really good.  Yes, we're there to make high-quality brewed and hand-crafted beverages, but the other larger goal is for people to have a really positive experience.  If I can contribute to the betterment of someone's day, even if just for 15 or 30 seconds, then I have done my job well.

3. Starbucks: The Employees.  Some of the folks with whom I work are also Christians.  Some are adamantly not Christians.  In the last week, I have had 4 different co-workers make comments to me that have just blown me away into The Land of Humility.  One co-worker, who is a Christian, thanked me for the encouragement and support that I have been offering he and his family; a second, also a Christian, told me that I am just a great person, and that he's so grateful to work with me because I help him to find clarity in his own life.  Those were both amazing comments.  But then, I had another co-worker write a long letter to me, confessing that, though she and I don't share the same beliefs, I still serve as a role model for her, and that I'm one of the few people she knows who actually lives their lives to reflect the beliefs and morals that I claim to have.  Holy cow.  That just blew my mind--I felt so incredibly good after I read that.  And then I remembered it wasn't me at all, but Christ who lives within me.  I could never be anything like who I desire to be without the Holy Spirit's tireless efforts.  I've tried...it hasn't worked out.  And then, last night, another co-worker who  has spent a long time being anti-Christian because of the ways that he's experienced treatment from people who profess to be believers, said that I am the best person he's ever met.  And that I am the reason that, when he meets someone who says they're a Christian, he no longer automatically judges them, but takes time to know them first.

4. Bloggeroo.  This thing.  I have no idea who reads this, as the comment numbers are a tiny percentage of the actual number of views that this blog has.  However, I have had an interesting variety of people approach me and mention this or that sentence that I've written on here.  And, my mom actually took my last post and put it on the caringbridge website that she created for my dad.  From that, the responses have been overwhelming and humbling.  I hardly know how to respond, other than to say that I really can't take any of the credit.  God gifts me with the words.  God makes the timing right.  God avails whatever I've written to those who need to see it.  I am just the vessel.

So, in summation, this has been my prayer lately: Ummm..............God............what have you been doing in me while I've been trying to make all of these other plans?  Trying to arrange for the perfect moment to finally be usable for your work?  Oh, right, You've been somehow using me, despite my own best attempts at thwarting your plans.  Thanks for that.  And thanks for bringing people into my life, like Joe, who can speak truth to me in a way that allows me to finally finally see what's happening now, instead of investing all of now worrying about what will happen in the future.  Amen.