I've had to chance to spend a fair amount of time with my parents over the last few weeks, and am now beginning to process the way that our conversations have evolved. We've talked a lot about things like death, funeral arrangements, trusts, beneficiaries, and all of that jazz (topics that have become so commonplace that, as Mom says, it's basically like we're just talking about the weather). And we talk about what we're reading, learning, hearing, observing. We spend very little time talking about what this person said, or what happened to that person, or "remember when we..." or "someday, I'd really like to..." It's kind of nice, this whole living-in-the-present thing. And, it's not that our talk is exclusively focused on Dad's illness, or on our mortality or anything like that, but I have been struck by the fact that, while death feels like a huge inconvenience--and it's something that is very difficult for those who lose a loved one, it's completely commonplace. None of us makes it out alive, and yet we seem to tiptoe around death, walk on eggshells around anyone forced to face their mortality in a more stark way, and we sort of treat the whole business of dying as if its taboo.
Why should we do that? Do we think that pretending that death is not a reality might make it be so? Because, well, that's just not the case--our bodies come with expiration dates. And, sometimes, we receive irreparable damages that render us "totaled" even if we haven't yet arrived at that expiration date. I realize I sound like I'm talking about a gallon of milk or something, rather than human life, and that there's a great deal more that occurs in the dying of a person--and a great more about which to be sad (in other words, it's not just crying over spilt milk........) (*cricket cricket*), but the thing of it is, if death is something of such great significance in our lives--and I believe that it is--then why do we treat it as if its something about which we must not talk. Conversely, if death is something that we know to be natural and normal and inevitable, then why do we spend so much time thinking about it, worrying about it, letting it consume us, dreading it, or whatever other things we do?
And another thing: I think that we are selfish in a lot of ways--that's the thing that largely causes all of our sinfulness/imperfections/whatever you want to call it. And, even in our death, we greatly desire that people remember us as having been a really amazing, irreplaceable, important and meaningful influence in their lives. We hope that we leave a legacy--we hope for a jam-packed funeral, a full list of names from visitors at the funeral home, etc. But, what are we doing to actually help ourselves achieve that reality? Are we living lives deserving of the high praise that we hope to receive? Do we strive to be the person who we hope that people remember us as being? Or do we just sort of hope that the negative stuff will be brushed aside, and that only the positive stuff will be mentioned in honoring our memory? Do we hope that we're doing just enough? Do we hope that the secret anger/bitterness/envy/jealousy/hatred that we harbor is never exposed, so that we can be known as "the nicest person who ever lived" or whatever?
Well, honestly, we need to step back even further: how do we want to be remembered? What type of legacy do we hope to leave? Do I want to be remembered as having achieved great financial or academic success? Do I want to be remembered for being an excellent mother? Do I want to be remembered has having great faith and passion? I think that, if we can whittle away at those things that we'd like to see as our epitaph, we can also gain an understanding of where are priorities are. We can understand what we view as important. And, frankly, if we really step back and look at our lives: how we spend our time and our money--then we can see this, too. Often, I'd suggest, the things that we say are of utmost importance to us rarely reveal themselves to truly be of utmost import. If my marriage is as important as I say it is, then why am I often too stubborn to openly talk about, and apologize for, mistakes that I've made within that relationship? If my faith is really important to me, then why do I spend my money on that 4th new shirt that I really don't need, instead of praying about my financial decisions and seeking to serve others--and God--through my investments? And, if God is really number one in my life, then why is Bible study and prayer time the first thing to push to the side when 'more important' things like laundry, exercise or even 'me time' need to happen. Don't misunderstand me: these are very important things. We need to take care of the things that we have, and we need to take care of ourselves. My point is that, simply, if I consistently shirk prayer time in favor of balancing the checkbook then, perhaps, I need to evaluate how important prayer time really is in my life. And, also, how important money is in my life. If I spend hours trying to reconcile bank statements, or whatever, but I say that my faith, love and service in and for God is of greatest importance, then it stands to reason that I should spend more time seeking these things. And, furthermore, these things should come first. They shouldn't be the first things to abandon.
And if we live life in such a way so as to accurately reflect the things that we say are our priorities, then I suggest that, also, death becomes a less scary/threatening/taboo concept because we know that we're living the way that we believe we ought. So we can't have regrets. We can't be sad that we never got to tell so-and-so how we really felt. We can't fear having done so many things that have to be done instead of stopping to smell the roses.
We know we're going to die. We don't know when. We are foolish to try and count the number of our days. But, if we live beautifully, our death can be beautiful, too.
3.29.2011
3.10.2011
The Rest Of The Story
So, you know how Paul Harvey's radio show? Yeah, I wish there a few more like it:
"Hello, Americans. I'm Paul Harvey. You know what the news is. In a minute, you're going to hear...the rest of the story."
There are a lot of things about which I'd love to know the rest of the story, much of which revolves around significant moments in history: what were the astronauts saying to each other when the Challenger exploded? Where is Jimmy Hoffa? What was Pontius Pilate thinking?
In fact, I am so, well, nosy, that I just love to read memoirs...from the lives of celebrities, perhaps, but I have really come to love memoirs written by regular people who, for one reason or another, decided to document their experiences. Two of my very favorite books fall into this category, in fact. One is Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and the other is Jeanette Walls' The Glass Castle. Late last year, I decided that I wanted to read books authored by Holocaust survivors, detailing their struggles during that wretched time in history. I also found a couple of books written by Nazis. It was fascinating. Depressing, nauseating, and infuriating, of course, but also fascinating. I couldn't get enough.
Sometimes, it drives me nuts that so few details of Jesus' life are presented in the Bible. I mean, there's duplication of several events (you know, like his birth and his death, for example), and a lot of those duplications are attributed to Matthew's and Luke's knowledge of Mark's gospel when they authored their own. But, I really really don't want to get into a conversation about gospel sources. (Is there a Q? Is there not a Q? That is the question....that I want to avoid).
The point is this: aside from a trip to the temple as a tween, something else had to go on in Jesus' life, right? I mean, we know he had siblings. Don't you just wonder what it was like to be Jesus' brother or sister?
"Mooooooom. Jesus turned my lemonade into milk again." or "Daaaaaad...why do you always act like Jesus is so perfect???" (Joseph's response: "Now James, we've been over this: your brother is the Messiah. He really is perfect.")
And, don't you wonder if Jesus was embarrassed when, say, his voice cracked in the middle of his reading the Torah? Or if he cried when his favorite pet camel died? Or if people made fun of him and called him the "teacher's pet" in school? Or, what about when he was older. Even when the gospel does talk about Jesus' ministry, it's still only excerpted. I mean, if I were to write about the past three years of my life in the way that Mark does, it would say something like this:
"Kristen was pregnant. She had an easy pregnancy, only being frustrated by headaches, her inability to eat chocolate and meat, her heartburn and, at the end, her terribly swollen feet. Then, it came to pass that she had a son, and his name was Andrew. And Kristen and Joseph loved Andrew very much. Then, Kristen decided to apply for a PhD program. And so it was that Kristen was accepted. But, she decided that her time would be better-spent by raising Andrew, and so she decided not to attend classes. In the years that followed, Kristen still desired an education, but she continued to care for Andrew while making the finest lattes in the land in her place of work, which is called Starbucks, for it was at this place that expensive gourmet coffee could be found. Now, in the land to the West of Kristen's home lived her parents, Stephen and Susan. Stephen learned that he was sick and, in wanting to show her love for her parents, Kristen traveled by night to her parents' territory. She visited them regularly, and loved them very much. On the night of the fifth visit, Kristen decided to plan a vacation with the family to Florida, and so it was..."
Do you know how many details are NOT in that little blurb? Even really significant details? A LOT.
So, what are we missing about Jesus?
There are several times in Scripture when we are told that Jesus, having been fully human (and fully divine), felt the full spectrum of human emotion and experience. We can easily identify moments when Jesus was sad, joyful, disappointed, afraid, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. But how can Jesus possibly understand what it feels like to have a terminal illness? Or to feel lost and useless? Where does the Bible point to any details about Jesus' experience of indigestion or runny nose or allergies? None of these things would cause, or be the result, of sin, so why shouldn't Jesus have experienced these things?
I bet he did. And I bet he did a lot more than we'd care to know about.
But, here's what's great about the Bible: yes, it is largely misses Jesus' life, really only highlighting the first and last three years of his thirty-three, but, maybe that's because we're not supposed to get caught up in the details. If the Bible says that Jesus fully knows and understands our emotions and feelings and experiences, then we ought to trust that. But, it doesn't need to be expanded upon the way that our understanding of the most important components of Jesus' life and message do. We need to know less about Jesus' dealings with H1N1 and more about why his death and resurrection are so significant. We need to know very little about Jesus' preference for watermelon over musk melon, but we clearly have an awful lot to learn about the way that Jesus treated other people, having told us to go and do likewise.
And, I even think that that might be a healthy way to view each other, too. We tend to get wrapped up in the details about the people with whom we interact (whether in a personal way or via magazines, t.v. and whatever). We even allow things that are details become the very things that we used to define others. And this, I suggest, is how gossip and prejudice have found our society to be such fertile ground for growth. Growing up female (though I realize this is an issue for males, too, but I think it's especially significant for females), we were even called upon to look at the minutia on our surface, and to do everything in our power to make it better--to correct it--to improve it--to perfect it. If we could just have clearer skin, less frizzy hair, bigger boobs, a smaller waist, straighter teeth, or whatever, then we'd be a better person. If we wore the right clothes, we'd be a better person. And, if we saw other people who observed these same tendencies, then we would do well to "befriend" them. Anyone who didn't follow this code of conduct, however, was a castoff, a loner, and "totally uncool." We were told to focus on the details--the worst details of ourselves and others--and that this would somehow make us better.
Is it just me, or is that absolutely ridiculous logic? First of all, yes, I used to dislike features of myself. We'll just stick with the freckles on my face. I hated my freckles for a long time. But, HELLOOOO, those freckles DON'T define me. They exist, and they are a part of me, but it's such a teeny tiny part. And, even things that are larger than that: my ability to play piano, for example. Yes, I play piano well, and was especially proficient towards the end of high school, when I'd been playing regularly for 13 years. But it's not as if I would walk around and people would say, "there's that piano player."
I think we need to accept the fact that people are always going to use labels and categories when attempting to understand other people. In doing this, of course, we create a society that is, at the very least, disenfranchised, though I'd suggest that we're not even really a "society" as a whole, but, rather, a bunch of societies who simply tolerate each other (mostly) and co-exist. We focus on the things that are different, no matter how important or unimportant those things really are in understanding the other person. We spend very little time seeking to know what is the same. We spend very little time looking for the things that are positive. And, I might suggest, too, that the cognitions we use when we seek to understand another person are so distorted that we don't even know which truths about a person ought to define them. We judge people and/or make assumptions about them based on any number of things: their political party, the car they drive, the number of piercings that they have, their denomination, the house in which they grew up, their grades, their skin tone, their children, etc. etc. etc. And then, whether or not we actually know the truth about that person, we determine whether or not they deserve our time, attention, friendliness, whatever, based on our assumptions about them.
Of course, we also live in a society where openness and honesty are seen as negative attributes in many cases. It's better to cover up our wrongdoings than it is to share them and seek forgiveness. It's better to hide our feelings than to be an overly emotional sissy.
What if we lived in a world where the following things were true:
1. We found ways to be united, not isolated.
2. We were blind to the details that we, historically, have determined how we can or cannot relate to a person.
3. We stop making assumptions. And gossiping. And judging. We fill in the gaps, instead, by communicating, loving, supporting, asking questions, celebrating.
Yes, people are different. Yes, there are some things that other people believe that I think are absolutely wrong. But, I guarantee you that you can find at least three things in common with every single person that you meet. That's something I try to do every single day, with every single encounter I have (and so, if I've met you in the last 4 or 5 years, I've done this with you): whenever I meet someone new, I come up with three positive things about that person by the end of their conversation. Admittedly, it's easier with some people than with others. But I've found that, if I can come up with three positive things about that person, and/or three things that that person and I share in common, I'm much more likely to treat them the way that they deserve to be treated, even when buttons are pushed and disagreements arise.
So, no, we don't have the whole story of Jesus, and we'll have to wait until we're in Heaven some day to ask those questions of him ("Do you use a fork or a spoon for your macaroni and cheese, Jesus?") But, we have the most important parts, and we're not even doing all that we can do to implement those things that we learn from his example, let alone being overwhelmed by even more.
Anyway, I just think that there's a lot to learn with the information that we have. So, what are we waiting for?! Let's get to it!!!!!
"This is Paul Harvey. Good day."
"Hello, Americans. I'm Paul Harvey. You know what the news is. In a minute, you're going to hear...the rest of the story."
There are a lot of things about which I'd love to know the rest of the story, much of which revolves around significant moments in history: what were the astronauts saying to each other when the Challenger exploded? Where is Jimmy Hoffa? What was Pontius Pilate thinking?
In fact, I am so, well, nosy, that I just love to read memoirs...from the lives of celebrities, perhaps, but I have really come to love memoirs written by regular people who, for one reason or another, decided to document their experiences. Two of my very favorite books fall into this category, in fact. One is Barbara Kingsolver's book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle and the other is Jeanette Walls' The Glass Castle. Late last year, I decided that I wanted to read books authored by Holocaust survivors, detailing their struggles during that wretched time in history. I also found a couple of books written by Nazis. It was fascinating. Depressing, nauseating, and infuriating, of course, but also fascinating. I couldn't get enough.
Sometimes, it drives me nuts that so few details of Jesus' life are presented in the Bible. I mean, there's duplication of several events (you know, like his birth and his death, for example), and a lot of those duplications are attributed to Matthew's and Luke's knowledge of Mark's gospel when they authored their own. But, I really really don't want to get into a conversation about gospel sources. (Is there a Q? Is there not a Q? That is the question....that I want to avoid).
The point is this: aside from a trip to the temple as a tween, something else had to go on in Jesus' life, right? I mean, we know he had siblings. Don't you just wonder what it was like to be Jesus' brother or sister?
"Mooooooom. Jesus turned my lemonade into milk again." or "Daaaaaad...why do you always act like Jesus is so perfect???" (Joseph's response: "Now James, we've been over this: your brother is the Messiah. He really is perfect.")
And, don't you wonder if Jesus was embarrassed when, say, his voice cracked in the middle of his reading the Torah? Or if he cried when his favorite pet camel died? Or if people made fun of him and called him the "teacher's pet" in school? Or, what about when he was older. Even when the gospel does talk about Jesus' ministry, it's still only excerpted. I mean, if I were to write about the past three years of my life in the way that Mark does, it would say something like this:
"Kristen was pregnant. She had an easy pregnancy, only being frustrated by headaches, her inability to eat chocolate and meat, her heartburn and, at the end, her terribly swollen feet. Then, it came to pass that she had a son, and his name was Andrew. And Kristen and Joseph loved Andrew very much. Then, Kristen decided to apply for a PhD program. And so it was that Kristen was accepted. But, she decided that her time would be better-spent by raising Andrew, and so she decided not to attend classes. In the years that followed, Kristen still desired an education, but she continued to care for Andrew while making the finest lattes in the land in her place of work, which is called Starbucks, for it was at this place that expensive gourmet coffee could be found. Now, in the land to the West of Kristen's home lived her parents, Stephen and Susan. Stephen learned that he was sick and, in wanting to show her love for her parents, Kristen traveled by night to her parents' territory. She visited them regularly, and loved them very much. On the night of the fifth visit, Kristen decided to plan a vacation with the family to Florida, and so it was..."
Do you know how many details are NOT in that little blurb? Even really significant details? A LOT.
So, what are we missing about Jesus?
There are several times in Scripture when we are told that Jesus, having been fully human (and fully divine), felt the full spectrum of human emotion and experience. We can easily identify moments when Jesus was sad, joyful, disappointed, afraid, hungry, angry, lonely and tired. But how can Jesus possibly understand what it feels like to have a terminal illness? Or to feel lost and useless? Where does the Bible point to any details about Jesus' experience of indigestion or runny nose or allergies? None of these things would cause, or be the result, of sin, so why shouldn't Jesus have experienced these things?
I bet he did. And I bet he did a lot more than we'd care to know about.
But, here's what's great about the Bible: yes, it is largely misses Jesus' life, really only highlighting the first and last three years of his thirty-three, but, maybe that's because we're not supposed to get caught up in the details. If the Bible says that Jesus fully knows and understands our emotions and feelings and experiences, then we ought to trust that. But, it doesn't need to be expanded upon the way that our understanding of the most important components of Jesus' life and message do. We need to know less about Jesus' dealings with H1N1 and more about why his death and resurrection are so significant. We need to know very little about Jesus' preference for watermelon over musk melon, but we clearly have an awful lot to learn about the way that Jesus treated other people, having told us to go and do likewise.
And, I even think that that might be a healthy way to view each other, too. We tend to get wrapped up in the details about the people with whom we interact (whether in a personal way or via magazines, t.v. and whatever). We even allow things that are details become the very things that we used to define others. And this, I suggest, is how gossip and prejudice have found our society to be such fertile ground for growth. Growing up female (though I realize this is an issue for males, too, but I think it's especially significant for females), we were even called upon to look at the minutia on our surface, and to do everything in our power to make it better--to correct it--to improve it--to perfect it. If we could just have clearer skin, less frizzy hair, bigger boobs, a smaller waist, straighter teeth, or whatever, then we'd be a better person. If we wore the right clothes, we'd be a better person. And, if we saw other people who observed these same tendencies, then we would do well to "befriend" them. Anyone who didn't follow this code of conduct, however, was a castoff, a loner, and "totally uncool." We were told to focus on the details--the worst details of ourselves and others--and that this would somehow make us better.
Is it just me, or is that absolutely ridiculous logic? First of all, yes, I used to dislike features of myself. We'll just stick with the freckles on my face. I hated my freckles for a long time. But, HELLOOOO, those freckles DON'T define me. They exist, and they are a part of me, but it's such a teeny tiny part. And, even things that are larger than that: my ability to play piano, for example. Yes, I play piano well, and was especially proficient towards the end of high school, when I'd been playing regularly for 13 years. But it's not as if I would walk around and people would say, "there's that piano player."
I think we need to accept the fact that people are always going to use labels and categories when attempting to understand other people. In doing this, of course, we create a society that is, at the very least, disenfranchised, though I'd suggest that we're not even really a "society" as a whole, but, rather, a bunch of societies who simply tolerate each other (mostly) and co-exist. We focus on the things that are different, no matter how important or unimportant those things really are in understanding the other person. We spend very little time seeking to know what is the same. We spend very little time looking for the things that are positive. And, I might suggest, too, that the cognitions we use when we seek to understand another person are so distorted that we don't even know which truths about a person ought to define them. We judge people and/or make assumptions about them based on any number of things: their political party, the car they drive, the number of piercings that they have, their denomination, the house in which they grew up, their grades, their skin tone, their children, etc. etc. etc. And then, whether or not we actually know the truth about that person, we determine whether or not they deserve our time, attention, friendliness, whatever, based on our assumptions about them.
Of course, we also live in a society where openness and honesty are seen as negative attributes in many cases. It's better to cover up our wrongdoings than it is to share them and seek forgiveness. It's better to hide our feelings than to be an overly emotional sissy.
What if we lived in a world where the following things were true:
1. We found ways to be united, not isolated.
2. We were blind to the details that we, historically, have determined how we can or cannot relate to a person.
3. We stop making assumptions. And gossiping. And judging. We fill in the gaps, instead, by communicating, loving, supporting, asking questions, celebrating.
Yes, people are different. Yes, there are some things that other people believe that I think are absolutely wrong. But, I guarantee you that you can find at least three things in common with every single person that you meet. That's something I try to do every single day, with every single encounter I have (and so, if I've met you in the last 4 or 5 years, I've done this with you): whenever I meet someone new, I come up with three positive things about that person by the end of their conversation. Admittedly, it's easier with some people than with others. But I've found that, if I can come up with three positive things about that person, and/or three things that that person and I share in common, I'm much more likely to treat them the way that they deserve to be treated, even when buttons are pushed and disagreements arise.
So, no, we don't have the whole story of Jesus, and we'll have to wait until we're in Heaven some day to ask those questions of him ("Do you use a fork or a spoon for your macaroni and cheese, Jesus?") But, we have the most important parts, and we're not even doing all that we can do to implement those things that we learn from his example, let alone being overwhelmed by even more.
Anyway, I just think that there's a lot to learn with the information that we have. So, what are we waiting for?! Let's get to it!!!!!
"This is Paul Harvey. Good day."
3.04.2011
Seriously, Folks...
Ok, I just have to get this off my chest, because it is driving me batty: there is never ever a time when "hate" is a better option than "love."
Yes, we will disagree--ferociously, even--and yes, people will do wrong by us, and that will suck, but we can't be responsible for everyone else. We can and should, however, be responsible for ourselves. We can always choose how to respond to the things that people do to us, or say about us, or that offend us even on a larger scale. And, if we can always choose, then, if we're doing things correctly, we must always choose the path that reflects love.
And here's another thing: I am sick and tired and depressed and angry at people who use faith as a way to mask their hate and prejudice. So often, Jesus gets a bad name because so many people who claim faith and unerring loyalty to Him treat others as if they are second class, at best, and, all too frequently, as if they're the scum of the earth.
Mahatma Gandhi was right on target, in soooo many cases, when he made this assertion: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
This truly makes me sad.
Now, I want to be clear here: I believe that there are people out there who genuinely believe that the things that they believe direct them toward a certain understanding of others who aren't like them in some way or another. They even genuinely believe that this is a reflection and/or manifestation of they're faithfulness. I don't want to question the extent to which their beliefs are genuine. I just want to question their beliefs.
And yes, I am well-aware that there are things in the Bible that are widely open to interpretation, and that things get a little bit dicey as a result.
But, unless I've been reading the Bible incorrectly for years, there is nowhere that God doesn't require, or that Jesus doesn't demonstrate, unconditional love. Unconditional. You know, without condition. So, without regard to things that you can't even control (your race, your gender, your interests and, depending on whose side you're on, your sexual preference) AND ALSO without regard to the things you CAN control (your career, your sins, and, depending on whose side you're on, your sexual preference).
Again, that doesn't mean we can't disagree. Jesus' life also makes that perfectly clear. But disagreeing, accountability, really hard conversations...none of that has to be done with an attitude of hatefulness.
Again, yes, I'm aware that, as sinful people, we struggle with a multitude of things that, unfortunately, can and do include our passing judgment on others, and treating others in a way that is most certainly not unconditionally loving. I've done it. You've done it. We'll both do it again. But, again, I'm no longer satisfied with making excuses for myself, or for anyone else, because we're sinners and we're doomed to a life of sinfulness. While it's true that I'm a sinner, again, as I said above, I can choose how to live my life. I can choose to work toward loving people unconditionally. I can choose to be humble enough to admit when I've failed. I can choose to learn how to listen, rather than judge. I can choose to pray, each morning, or each time I encounter someone who I struggle to love well, or as often as it takes, to ask God to remove those thoughts and emotions, and to replace them with thoughts and emotions that convey love.
Oh, and it has to be genuine love, by the way. I don't care who you are: people can see right through you when you're not genuine.
If we could take 10 or 15 seconds to get off our high horses, and stop being Self-Righteous, Holier-Than-Thou, and just plain Better Than You, we might realize that the very people we treat with disdain could've been our best friends, if we'd just given them the chance. And, perhaps they might've asked us a question about our faith. And then, perhaps, God might've used us as an outlet through which that person's heart might be changed to love and serve Him well. How can hate ever accomplish that?
Initially, I was going to close this by saying that I was stepping down off of my soap box (by the way: ever wonder where that saying originated? I did. Turns out it's exactly what you think: people literally used boxes of soap for their platform when speaking).
Annnnnyway, I don't think this is a soap box off of which I can step. Because, while it's obvious that we can never, ever agree on everything, to me, there is absolutely no way that we can truly be faithful if we can't agree on these, the greatest commandments: LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and LOVE your neighbor as yourself.
Yes, we will disagree--ferociously, even--and yes, people will do wrong by us, and that will suck, but we can't be responsible for everyone else. We can and should, however, be responsible for ourselves. We can always choose how to respond to the things that people do to us, or say about us, or that offend us even on a larger scale. And, if we can always choose, then, if we're doing things correctly, we must always choose the path that reflects love.
And here's another thing: I am sick and tired and depressed and angry at people who use faith as a way to mask their hate and prejudice. So often, Jesus gets a bad name because so many people who claim faith and unerring loyalty to Him treat others as if they are second class, at best, and, all too frequently, as if they're the scum of the earth.
Mahatma Gandhi was right on target, in soooo many cases, when he made this assertion: "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
This truly makes me sad.
Now, I want to be clear here: I believe that there are people out there who genuinely believe that the things that they believe direct them toward a certain understanding of others who aren't like them in some way or another. They even genuinely believe that this is a reflection and/or manifestation of they're faithfulness. I don't want to question the extent to which their beliefs are genuine. I just want to question their beliefs.
And yes, I am well-aware that there are things in the Bible that are widely open to interpretation, and that things get a little bit dicey as a result.
But, unless I've been reading the Bible incorrectly for years, there is nowhere that God doesn't require, or that Jesus doesn't demonstrate, unconditional love. Unconditional. You know, without condition. So, without regard to things that you can't even control (your race, your gender, your interests and, depending on whose side you're on, your sexual preference) AND ALSO without regard to the things you CAN control (your career, your sins, and, depending on whose side you're on, your sexual preference).
Again, that doesn't mean we can't disagree. Jesus' life also makes that perfectly clear. But disagreeing, accountability, really hard conversations...none of that has to be done with an attitude of hatefulness.
Again, yes, I'm aware that, as sinful people, we struggle with a multitude of things that, unfortunately, can and do include our passing judgment on others, and treating others in a way that is most certainly not unconditionally loving. I've done it. You've done it. We'll both do it again. But, again, I'm no longer satisfied with making excuses for myself, or for anyone else, because we're sinners and we're doomed to a life of sinfulness. While it's true that I'm a sinner, again, as I said above, I can choose how to live my life. I can choose to work toward loving people unconditionally. I can choose to be humble enough to admit when I've failed. I can choose to learn how to listen, rather than judge. I can choose to pray, each morning, or each time I encounter someone who I struggle to love well, or as often as it takes, to ask God to remove those thoughts and emotions, and to replace them with thoughts and emotions that convey love.
Oh, and it has to be genuine love, by the way. I don't care who you are: people can see right through you when you're not genuine.
If we could take 10 or 15 seconds to get off our high horses, and stop being Self-Righteous, Holier-Than-Thou, and just plain Better Than You, we might realize that the very people we treat with disdain could've been our best friends, if we'd just given them the chance. And, perhaps they might've asked us a question about our faith. And then, perhaps, God might've used us as an outlet through which that person's heart might be changed to love and serve Him well. How can hate ever accomplish that?
Initially, I was going to close this by saying that I was stepping down off of my soap box (by the way: ever wonder where that saying originated? I did. Turns out it's exactly what you think: people literally used boxes of soap for their platform when speaking).
Annnnnyway, I don't think this is a soap box off of which I can step. Because, while it's obvious that we can never, ever agree on everything, to me, there is absolutely no way that we can truly be faithful if we can't agree on these, the greatest commandments: LOVE the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind and LOVE your neighbor as yourself.
3.03.2011
The Koala On The Branch
One of my mom's favorite quotes comes from the John Lennon song "Beautiful Boy" (see Mr. Holland's Opus if you don't know it), and is this: "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."
My familiarity with that quote began when Mom received, from somewhere (maybe as a gift from another cast member in "The Foreigner"?), a little glass ornament that used to hang on the window above the sink in the kitchen of the home where my family lived until I was 13 (I really miss that house, by the way...actually, we all do). It had a little koala bear on a branch on one side, which I never understood, but I always thought it was cute.
Turns out, this is an incredibly true and profound statement. I have seen its reality, among other times, in the past month or so.
If you go back and read through all of my posts since this blog's inception--or, if you've spent any time with me at all since around freshman year of high school--you know that my quest for a career has not been unlike the quests of one Don Quixote. I have spent a lot of time dreaming about possibilities, and a lot of time getting really enthused about this career or that, taking all of the necessary steps required to begin active pursuit of my vocation. I've even had lots of supportive friends and family members grin and bear it as I've hopped around. And hopped around. And hopped some more.
I have spent a lot of time feeling very frustrated, as I felt like I couldn't really do anything important until I was finally in the right career, and having that "right career" remain ever-elusive--my impossible dream.
Within the past month or so, at the very wise urging of Joe, I began to pray not that I'd figure out my vocation, but that I could be content with where I am now, and be content with the reality that this may be exactly where I'm supposed to be. Perhaps working at Starbucks isn't the most glamorous thing--and, yes, I'm wildly overqualified--and perhaps choosing to stay at home with Andy every day doesn't earn us the sort of income that we might otherwise see in our bank account--and perhaps I have had to turn down some very appealing offers--but, even still, this might be the perfect place for me at this time. It might, Joe suggested, be the exact circumstances through which my gifts can most thoroughly be used.
Stinkin' Joe. Always has to be right. :)
When I finally was able to let go of my visions of Bright And Glorious Career Path and Glass-Ceiling-Breaker-Plus-Mom-Extraordinaire, finally, finally enough space in my heart and head were cleared for me to discover that God has been using me--right here, right now--and in significant ways. God has been using me even as I've been impatiently waiting--and expressing frustration--for God to finally reveal the circumstances through which He'd actually be able to use me. Funny how that happens, eh?
Here are some of the ways that I have been able to see God working through me (and, I want to make very clear that the Scripture's not lying: apart from Him, I can do nothing, and so I boast not in myself--I'm completely incapable--but in God, who takes even the most broken, failed, stubborn vessels and makes beautiful things happen through them).
1. Chrysalis. This is a high school retreat that, in many ways, echoes the adult Walk To Emmaus retreats. A couple of weeks ago, I was incredibly blessed to be a part of the Chrysalis Girls Flight #40 in the Northeast Ohio community. I had been very active in this community throughout high school and as much of college as possible, and have really, really been missing it in the years since. I was asked to serve as a table leader, which meant that I would be spending the weekend with 5 girls (4 of whom were new to the experience), engaging in conversation, attempting to answer important questions, and just generally trying to serve them as they explored their own faith journeys. Additionally, I was asked to give a talk on communication, especially through prayer. Though I remain convinced that I came away from that experience having been more blessed than I was able to be a blessing to others, the outpouring of encouragement and affirmation I received from other team members, and from girls on the weekend who sought my counsel, my ear, my hugs, cannot be denied. I felt like I established some wonderfully strong (not 'stong', right Mom? <3) connections with the girls, and was able to help them to understand the magnitude of God's love just a little bit more. It was simply awesome. I am now praying for doors to be opened up, in one way or another, that will allow me to continue active involvement in the life of the Northeast Ohio Chrysalis community, and also, in the lives of the girls from the weekend (both the new 'butterflies' and the entire team).
2. Starbucks: The Customers. Last week, there was a day when I was on the front registers and we were ridiculously busy. I somehow managed to find a way to connect with every single one of the people with whom I spoke. There was one couple, in particular, with whom I bonded especially well (fortunately, when they came through the line, no one was behind them, so we got to talk for several minutes). People have always seemed to open up to me with their stories, even if they have no idea who I am, and I take this as affirmation of my ability to be approachable, trustworthy and kind. I try to make a point to smile and make eye contact with each customer--it's amazing how many of them will respond in kind. The other night, I had a customer mention that I was an exceptionally friendly person, which felt really good. Yes, we're there to make high-quality brewed and hand-crafted beverages, but the other larger goal is for people to have a really positive experience. If I can contribute to the betterment of someone's day, even if just for 15 or 30 seconds, then I have done my job well.
3. Starbucks: The Employees. Some of the folks with whom I work are also Christians. Some are adamantly not Christians. In the last week, I have had 4 different co-workers make comments to me that have just blown me away into The Land of Humility. One co-worker, who is a Christian, thanked me for the encouragement and support that I have been offering he and his family; a second, also a Christian, told me that I am just a great person, and that he's so grateful to work with me because I help him to find clarity in his own life. Those were both amazing comments. But then, I had another co-worker write a long letter to me, confessing that, though she and I don't share the same beliefs, I still serve as a role model for her, and that I'm one of the few people she knows who actually lives their lives to reflect the beliefs and morals that I claim to have. Holy cow. That just blew my mind--I felt so incredibly good after I read that. And then I remembered it wasn't me at all, but Christ who lives within me. I could never be anything like who I desire to be without the Holy Spirit's tireless efforts. I've tried...it hasn't worked out. And then, last night, another co-worker who has spent a long time being anti-Christian because of the ways that he's experienced treatment from people who profess to be believers, said that I am the best person he's ever met. And that I am the reason that, when he meets someone who says they're a Christian, he no longer automatically judges them, but takes time to know them first.
4. Bloggeroo. This thing. I have no idea who reads this, as the comment numbers are a tiny percentage of the actual number of views that this blog has. However, I have had an interesting variety of people approach me and mention this or that sentence that I've written on here. And, my mom actually took my last post and put it on the caringbridge website that she created for my dad. From that, the responses have been overwhelming and humbling. I hardly know how to respond, other than to say that I really can't take any of the credit. God gifts me with the words. God makes the timing right. God avails whatever I've written to those who need to see it. I am just the vessel.
So, in summation, this has been my prayer lately: Ummm..............God............what have you been doing in me while I've been trying to make all of these other plans? Trying to arrange for the perfect moment to finally be usable for your work? Oh, right, You've been somehow using me, despite my own best attempts at thwarting your plans. Thanks for that. And thanks for bringing people into my life, like Joe, who can speak truth to me in a way that allows me to finally finally see what's happening now, instead of investing all of now worrying about what will happen in the future. Amen.
My familiarity with that quote began when Mom received, from somewhere (maybe as a gift from another cast member in "The Foreigner"?), a little glass ornament that used to hang on the window above the sink in the kitchen of the home where my family lived until I was 13 (I really miss that house, by the way...actually, we all do). It had a little koala bear on a branch on one side, which I never understood, but I always thought it was cute.
Turns out, this is an incredibly true and profound statement. I have seen its reality, among other times, in the past month or so.
If you go back and read through all of my posts since this blog's inception--or, if you've spent any time with me at all since around freshman year of high school--you know that my quest for a career has not been unlike the quests of one Don Quixote. I have spent a lot of time dreaming about possibilities, and a lot of time getting really enthused about this career or that, taking all of the necessary steps required to begin active pursuit of my vocation. I've even had lots of supportive friends and family members grin and bear it as I've hopped around. And hopped around. And hopped some more.
I have spent a lot of time feeling very frustrated, as I felt like I couldn't really do anything important until I was finally in the right career, and having that "right career" remain ever-elusive--my impossible dream.
Within the past month or so, at the very wise urging of Joe, I began to pray not that I'd figure out my vocation, but that I could be content with where I am now, and be content with the reality that this may be exactly where I'm supposed to be. Perhaps working at Starbucks isn't the most glamorous thing--and, yes, I'm wildly overqualified--and perhaps choosing to stay at home with Andy every day doesn't earn us the sort of income that we might otherwise see in our bank account--and perhaps I have had to turn down some very appealing offers--but, even still, this might be the perfect place for me at this time. It might, Joe suggested, be the exact circumstances through which my gifts can most thoroughly be used.
Stinkin' Joe. Always has to be right. :)
When I finally was able to let go of my visions of Bright And Glorious Career Path and Glass-Ceiling-Breaker-Plus-Mom-Extraordinaire, finally, finally enough space in my heart and head were cleared for me to discover that God has been using me--right here, right now--and in significant ways. God has been using me even as I've been impatiently waiting--and expressing frustration--for God to finally reveal the circumstances through which He'd actually be able to use me. Funny how that happens, eh?
Here are some of the ways that I have been able to see God working through me (and, I want to make very clear that the Scripture's not lying: apart from Him, I can do nothing, and so I boast not in myself--I'm completely incapable--but in God, who takes even the most broken, failed, stubborn vessels and makes beautiful things happen through them).
1. Chrysalis. This is a high school retreat that, in many ways, echoes the adult Walk To Emmaus retreats. A couple of weeks ago, I was incredibly blessed to be a part of the Chrysalis Girls Flight #40 in the Northeast Ohio community. I had been very active in this community throughout high school and as much of college as possible, and have really, really been missing it in the years since. I was asked to serve as a table leader, which meant that I would be spending the weekend with 5 girls (4 of whom were new to the experience), engaging in conversation, attempting to answer important questions, and just generally trying to serve them as they explored their own faith journeys. Additionally, I was asked to give a talk on communication, especially through prayer. Though I remain convinced that I came away from that experience having been more blessed than I was able to be a blessing to others, the outpouring of encouragement and affirmation I received from other team members, and from girls on the weekend who sought my counsel, my ear, my hugs, cannot be denied. I felt like I established some wonderfully strong (not 'stong', right Mom? <3) connections with the girls, and was able to help them to understand the magnitude of God's love just a little bit more. It was simply awesome. I am now praying for doors to be opened up, in one way or another, that will allow me to continue active involvement in the life of the Northeast Ohio Chrysalis community, and also, in the lives of the girls from the weekend (both the new 'butterflies' and the entire team).
2. Starbucks: The Customers. Last week, there was a day when I was on the front registers and we were ridiculously busy. I somehow managed to find a way to connect with every single one of the people with whom I spoke. There was one couple, in particular, with whom I bonded especially well (fortunately, when they came through the line, no one was behind them, so we got to talk for several minutes). People have always seemed to open up to me with their stories, even if they have no idea who I am, and I take this as affirmation of my ability to be approachable, trustworthy and kind. I try to make a point to smile and make eye contact with each customer--it's amazing how many of them will respond in kind. The other night, I had a customer mention that I was an exceptionally friendly person, which felt really good. Yes, we're there to make high-quality brewed and hand-crafted beverages, but the other larger goal is for people to have a really positive experience. If I can contribute to the betterment of someone's day, even if just for 15 or 30 seconds, then I have done my job well.
3. Starbucks: The Employees. Some of the folks with whom I work are also Christians. Some are adamantly not Christians. In the last week, I have had 4 different co-workers make comments to me that have just blown me away into The Land of Humility. One co-worker, who is a Christian, thanked me for the encouragement and support that I have been offering he and his family; a second, also a Christian, told me that I am just a great person, and that he's so grateful to work with me because I help him to find clarity in his own life. Those were both amazing comments. But then, I had another co-worker write a long letter to me, confessing that, though she and I don't share the same beliefs, I still serve as a role model for her, and that I'm one of the few people she knows who actually lives their lives to reflect the beliefs and morals that I claim to have. Holy cow. That just blew my mind--I felt so incredibly good after I read that. And then I remembered it wasn't me at all, but Christ who lives within me. I could never be anything like who I desire to be without the Holy Spirit's tireless efforts. I've tried...it hasn't worked out. And then, last night, another co-worker who has spent a long time being anti-Christian because of the ways that he's experienced treatment from people who profess to be believers, said that I am the best person he's ever met. And that I am the reason that, when he meets someone who says they're a Christian, he no longer automatically judges them, but takes time to know them first.
4. Bloggeroo. This thing. I have no idea who reads this, as the comment numbers are a tiny percentage of the actual number of views that this blog has. However, I have had an interesting variety of people approach me and mention this or that sentence that I've written on here. And, my mom actually took my last post and put it on the caringbridge website that she created for my dad. From that, the responses have been overwhelming and humbling. I hardly know how to respond, other than to say that I really can't take any of the credit. God gifts me with the words. God makes the timing right. God avails whatever I've written to those who need to see it. I am just the vessel.
So, in summation, this has been my prayer lately: Ummm..............God............what have you been doing in me while I've been trying to make all of these other plans? Trying to arrange for the perfect moment to finally be usable for your work? Oh, right, You've been somehow using me, despite my own best attempts at thwarting your plans. Thanks for that. And thanks for bringing people into my life, like Joe, who can speak truth to me in a way that allows me to finally finally see what's happening now, instead of investing all of now worrying about what will happen in the future. Amen.
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