I have done this whole parenting thing for nearly (gah!) two years now, and I have discovered that there are some aspects of it that are truly magical. I want to write about some of those that I've experienced up to this point, because I don't want to forget them (and it will have to be in at least two or three parts, since this would be an exceedingly long entry if I tried to write about everything at once!).
1.
Hearing baby's heartbeat for the first time: I remember still not believing that the positive pregnancy tests, and still trying to make heads or tails of what was happening up until the sweet moment when I got to hear my baby's heart beating (or, rather, galloping) inside of me. That became a source of remarkable joy for me at each and every appointment throughout the pregnancy.
2.
The ultrasound: Joe and I agreed that I would not have any of the screening tests done to determine the possibility for disabiling illnesses because it seemed like an unnecessary risk to take, especially since we were going to love our baby, no matter what. When it came time for the ultrasound, we were all-the-more convinced that we'd made the right decision. The love that I felt for that wee bundle from the moment I knew he was there was expontentially increased when I took a glimpse at those little toes, little fingers, squishy cheeks and even his little...well, we clearly knew he was a he.
3.
Internal Kickball: It should never have been surprising to me that Andy is such an active little boy, given that he was an active little baby in utero, too. I loved it (though he sometimes got me in the ribs repeatedly, which was less fun). Nothing was so great as just sitting at work (I had a desk job then) and smiling to myself because my son and I were enjoying a little bonding time. Talk about your multitasking!
4.
Daddy's Bonding: Joe and I would regularly talk about the things about the prospect of parenthood that were exciting, and about the things that were absolutely terrifying. He feared that it would be hard for him to bond with our child, and took it upon himself to do everything in his power to establish a bond with baby still in the womb. And so, he read books, he sang songs, he played music and offered comments about why we like the particular song that was on, he prayed, and, every time he saw me, he told baby that he loved him. I'm sorry, but is there anything cuter than that? Seriously, give me a man talking to his wife's belly over puppies anytime (and I think puppies are super cute).
5.
The Day of Reckoning: My labor experience was sort of abnormal in that I never felt a single contraction. When I was nearly a week overdue, I was sent to the hospital to be induced. Though I had originally felt strongly that I wanted to have a natural birth experience, I talked to a variety of people at the hospital who convinced me that an epidural was the way to go...especially since my contractions would be the result of pitocin, the fakeout version of oxytocin, which supposedly makes the experience even more uncomfortable. And, so, I spent about 20 hours just laying in bed, unable to move, unable to eat (except for those fantastic ice chips. God bless ice chips!) But, I experienced no discomfort. This was great because it allowed me to truly enjoy my time with family before the big push came (which, by the way, happened to be while my entire family, including Joe,
and my doctor were all at dinner) (also, I just realized that I was thinking to myself, "but where was Andy at that point?" which just goes to show you how life is never the same once your child becomes a part of it). Once it came time to deliver, the doctor had to tell me to wait (yeah...right) so she could get all of her gear on...but, well, from the beginning to the end of pushing, only 15 minutes passed. And there he was. A little teeny tiny bundle of...gigantic mess. I held him for about 2 seconds, I think, before he was whisked away to the warmer, and nurses carefully documented his APGAR scores and cleaned him up. I, on the other hand, was undergoing some...uh...repairs.
When I got my little boy back, and could finally hold him, I just remember wanting to feel elated, but being struck by the feeling of "ohhhhh crap. this is a giant responsibility, and I suddenly forget what everyone told me about parenting. ohhhhh crap." Also, I was violently hungry and ordered (uncharacteristically) a meatball hoagie from the shop next store (which had become a favorite for Joe and me when we were at the hospital for various parenting classes). In the hours and days the followed, I experienced nearly every emotion that one can experience, I think. I was upset because I hated our name choices (for no good reason, of course), I was ridiculously excited and amused when my lunch arrived the next day and I realized that, when I placed my order earlier in the day, it was only for one meal, not both. I quickly scarfed down the following: brocolli, pizza, lasagna, ice cream, pie, chocolate milk, a roll. I was generous enough to give Joe my fruit punch. I was scared every time I looked at Andy and I couldn't easily see his stomach inflate beneath his swaddling. I was greatly frustrated whenever it came time to feed him (he was majorly tounge-tied and had minor surgery when he was 2 weeks old to correct the situation). But, most of all, I was in love. In love with my sweet Andy, in love with my sweet Joe, and just smitten by the images I had of our brand new little family and the adventures we would take through the years.
6.
That smile...ohhh, that smile. The longest four weeks of my son's life were the first four. Not because of the sleep deprivation (though that was a certain reality for us) and not because of the significant challenges we experienced with feeding, and not even because we all slept in the living room (Andy in the bassinet on the top of his pack n play, me in the air mattress next to the bassnet, and Joe on the couch next to the air mattress) (by the way, don't ask why we did this...I blame crazy-new-parent-itis. Andy, like most children, didn't smile (except when sleeping, and unbeknownst to him). Even when he was awake and not eating, he just kind of sat there, staring, trying to take in the world around him (or, at least, a few inches around him). I can't really blame the kid, but I grew impatient waiting for him! And then, it came...I said something to Andy and, upon hearing my voice, which he now recognized, a little smile spread across his face. It was only a fleeting moment, but my heart was bursting with joy. I'm pretty sure I started crying (not an unfamiliar sight in those first few weeks) and called Joe (who had begrudgingly returned to work at this point). I still can't get enough of Andy's smiles. Of course, this is why it is such a challenge to discipline him when he needs it...but, that's for another day.
I think that's sufficient for now. Tune in for
Awesome Things About Parenting, Parts 2 and 3 in the coming days!!!
