query of the weary

Okay, stay-at-home types (and/or mostly-stay-at-home-but-work-part-time-at-night types):

What do you do to find personal joy and growth? When? How? Where? How much does it cost? What impact does it have on your success as a strong wife, mother, friend, etc.?

I'm in a place right now that I imagine is not so foreign to many (all?) of you.  I'm happy with my life.  I love being at home with Andy.  I love having the opportunity to work a bit at night, and blessed to know that there's no burden on me to continue if it gets in the way of my priorities.  I have wonderful family and lots of friends (some of whom I even get to hang out with tomorrow night! hooray!)

BUT...I feel as if I'm not getting enough intellectual development and stimulation as I'd like.  I read as often as I can; I have books--both real and digital--and love to escape for even 10 minutes (sometimes, more like 3 minutes) into them.  I need more.

This makes me feel both like a jerk, both because it feels like I should just be content in the midst of this really amazing life that I have--and it really is an amazing life; I'm so blessed--but I feel dissatisfaction tugging at me, and also, Joe works all day, so it would be unfair for me to take on something for myself if it meant ignoring the fact that he, too, needs his time.

I have a lot of interests; I could easily fill my time.  But I want to do something that is productive, makes a difference in the world (even in my own little corner of the world), and that is a positive thing for my entire family--not just for me.  Also, in an ideal world, it would be something that would happen somewhere other than in my house because, frankly, I'd be far too distracted by other things that need to be done in my house if I had to sit in it.

As far as pursuing a career goes, it is something that I would love if--and only if--I could find someone who would care for Andy and teach Andy exactly as Joe and I would.  And, plus, we are still very seriously considering going the home school route, which obviously means that my own academic goals would need to wait at least a few years if that's how we choose to move forward.

I'm tired of trying a whole bunch of things for a little while.  I want to do something--pursue something--that sticks.  But, again, within the parameters I've laid out.  And, of course, it needs to reflect my gifts and interests.

Enter you, with your wisdom.  Thoughts? Suggestions?  Am I really a huge jerk?