Bigger than the Boogeyman

Andy loves watching Veggie Tales.  And, well, who am I kidding: so do Joe and I.  We love the music and the humor, and love that solid messages are conveyed through the stories that they share.  I try very hard to not have much t.v. on during the day--an occasional episode of "Play With Me, Sesame" or Veggie Tales, and that's it.  And, as a result, I have discovered that Andy's imagination is running wild in a beautiful way.  He's remarkably verbal, loves to engage in hands-on activities, and has developed a sense of wonder and joy that t.v. can never offer.  (Ok, to be fair and honest, we also went through a ridiculously long phase when Andy wanted to watch the training scenes from Rocky 2 and Rocky Balboa [the 6th one], but that was because he loved the music so much, and he never actually stuck around to watch, as he was too busy running and attempting one-armed push-ups.  Still I'm glad we've moved on from that.  And we have a cd with the Rocky soundtrack in the car, just in case the need arises within him again).

Annnnnyway, one of our favorite Veggie Tales songs (and, actually, I don't think we've actually seen the accompanying show--I think we've just heard this song several times on one of our cds), is called "God is Bigger", and its premise is that the monsters who we fear are lurking behind every door and in every shadow of our bedroom at night might be scary, but that God is bigger than all of those things, and so, we need not fear.  (I tried to find a good youtube version, but it came up surprisingly short, though that may be because this particular song is around 15 years old).

You know, that's the thing about Veggie Tales (not unlike the Muppet Show, I suppose): it is marketed as a child's show, and is intended for very young viewers, but the messages come through in a way that speaks loudly and clearly--perhaps, even, most loudly and clearly, to adults.  Perhaps that's because we, as cynical, 'realistic', overly intellectualized (in some cases) adults need to hear these messages most strongly.  As a child, if what I feared was the boogeyman, then the emotion of that fear was very real and deep-seeded.  But, it was incredibly easy for me to grasp the concept that God Is Bigger.  And, if Mom or Dad told me that that's true, because I hung on to their every word and trusted them unswervingly at that stage, then, darnit, it was True.

But today, I sit back and sometimes find myself really struggling with that concept.  It was easy for me to reconcile that God was bigger than the boogeyman, but it's much, much harder to believe that God is bigger than cancer or global malnutrition or endless war and protesting or the countless acts of hate that occur everywhere, all the time.  The world in which we live is truly depressing when we sit back and look at it.  And if you read my previous post, you know that I whole-heartedly believe that we're stuck in the same cyclical rut that the folks who found manna with Moses and Aaron were in.

But here's the thing: FAITH.

It's the giant, can't-wrap-your-head-around-it burdens, such as I've listed above, that demand our faithfulness.  It's easy (or, at least, easier) to believe that God is bigger than little things.   It is much harder to grasp the concept that God is bigger than the biggest things.

It's hard to believe for at least a few reasons (I'm sure I'll leave some out) (And, by the way, I'm just going to use cancer here because it's the Giant Annoying Thing in my life right now and it's the thing with which I'm struggling most at this point...and it's my blog :) though, I also want to make VERY clear that I don't currently struggle with all of the challenges-to-faith that I'm going to attempt to unpack a bit in the sentences that follow.  That doesn't make them less true, though.):

If God is bigger than cancer, then why does cancer still exist?  Does God like cancer?  Does God not love me?  Why does God let bad things happen to good people?  What good can possibly come from this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad disease?

  Yeah...these questions are toughies, to say the least.  Here is how I reconcile all of these questions with a staunch belief that God is not only bigger than cancer, but also that He loves us abundantly and unswervingly:
                        
                       1. Cancer still exists because, sometimes, there's just poop in the world.  Sometimes we make choices that contribute to our disposition for cancer.  Sometimes it just happens.  Our physical bodies were never guaranteed to last forever, and, to be perfectly blunt, while I think cancer absolutely sucks and I hate it, if cancer isn't responsible for taking the life of people that I know and love, then something else will.  We all die.  It's a terribly sad time when we lose someone that we love.  And so, honestly, it pisses us off when cancer or some other stupid lurking thing gets in the way of our ability to experience "normalcy" in our lives because the very existence of cancer cells is abnormal.  And the crap that cancer patients and their families must go through is abnormal.  And the loss of someone who has, in whatever capacity, been a part of our lives, due to cancer, is abnormal and so, so sad.  But, I'm discovering more and more that the sadness that I will feel when, for example, my parents die (whether from cancer or not), will be more about ME than about THEM.  I will miss them so incredibly much.  I love my parents and, while every day of our life hasn't been, the best ever, I am constantly grateful for who they are and for who they've worked so hard to help me to become.  Their absence from my life will be difficult, to say the least.  The way I understand "normal" includes them--has always included them--in my life.  Even at the most challenging, tense and painful moments in my relationship with my parents, at the end of the day, they were still HERE.  I really and truly ought to be so joyful when my parents die.  I know that their faith in Jesus Christ and, more importantly, not what their faith is in, but what Jesus has done for them because of his love, will mean that my parents will get to hang out in communion with God when they depart from this world.  I mean, Scripture (ok, New Testament Scripture) is simply covered in the Truth that our treasure, which we receive through Christ's sacrifice, comes not here and now, but in Heaven.  Truly, death is painful for those who still remain alive on this earth, but, for the one who dies, it is beautiful.  (As a side note, when I was talking with someone recently about the reality of Dad's current illness, the conversation moved onward toward a talk about death, at which point I noted that, on the day of Dad's death--whenever that might happen to be--God probably won't let anyone else die, as Dad will have a list that's about 5 miles long full of questions that he's been wanting to ask God for years, and, I figure, God knows He's gonna be tied up all day with all of that stuff, and He won't want to keep anyone else waiting.) :)
 
                     2. No.  God does not 'like' cancer.  He hates for his beloved (you know, US) to be in pain.  He hates for us to suffer.  While the Old Testament gives us plenty of examples to contradict that statement, because images of God's wrath and revenge abound, part of Jesus coming to this earth and dying for us was so that God didn't have to punish us for our sins anymore.  But, let me be clear: that doesn't mean there aren't still consequences--whether positive or negative--associated with every choice that we make.  I kind of understand this whole thing by thinking about the SAT and the ACT.  When I, along with many others, began to think about college options, I knew that one of the factors that would contribute to my acceptance at any institution would be the scores I received for the SAT and ACT, two standardized tests used to measure various aptitudes.  While the content of the two tests differed greatly, another significant difference was in the scoring.  For the SAT, when you answered correctly, you got a point.  When you answered a question INCORRECTLY, you LOST points.  For the ACT, as with the vast majority of tests, you earned a point for a correct answer and, for incorrect answers, you didn't RECEIVE points, but you didn't LOSE any, either.  You simply just got a 0.  For the SAT, you could achieve NEGATIVE points.  For the ACT, the worst you could ever do was a ZERO.

                     How does that relate?  Well, Old Testament God is more like the SAT.  Not only did we have consequences that were the DIRECT result of our sinful actions.  We also had the ADDITIONAL punishments that God rained upon us in response to our sinfulness.  However, in Jesus' life, death and resurrection, that second component was eliminated.  We're living in the "ACT" time now: we still have consequences, yes, but God no longer imposes additional punishment.  Jesus ALREADY PAID that price.  Make sense?  I hope so.

                 3. Oh my goodness.  God loves you.  God loves you, and He loves you in immeasurable ways, and He loves you though you don't deserve it, and though you might not believe it, or Him, and He loves you EXACTLY the way you are AT THIS VERY MOMENT, no matter how broken or confused or failed you may believe yourself to be.  God desires a relationship with you BECAUSE He loves you.  SO STINKIN' MUCH!  I just don't even know how to begin to convey the reality of His love.  I feel like I can barely understand it, and have only reached the point of "barely" since having my own child.  Let me attempt to convey this sense, though (and I apologize, as the beginning of this is, well, slightly crass):

                   When I peed on the stick that ultimately revealed a plus sign on it that early January morning in 2008, I loved that child with every fiber of my being.  I knew nothing of him at that point, of course, but I loved him, just the same.  As he grew within me, I discovered that, so too, did my love--and this continues to be true, despite the fact that I continue to be certain that I couldn't love him any more if I tried.  Ah, but how the heart is ever-expanding.  When I finally met Andy in the open, I was overwhelmed--in part, because suddenly I had this teeny-tiny little baby who was REALLY relying on me, but I was more overwhelmed by my love for him.  I already felt great pain and sorrow, knowing that this child would sin, and that he would feel great pain and loss and fear and worry and agony.  And, since then, as Andy grows up right before my eyes, I know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there is literally nothing that he could do to make me stop loving him, or to even love him less.  I mean it: NOTHING.  I wince to think about the day that will come (it's probably inevitable) when Andy is so angry with me that he tells me he hates me.  Oh, the pain that that will bring forth.  But, let's get back to God:  how often do we tell him--either by word or deed (or both!!!)--that we hate Him.  Or that He doesn't matter.  Or that He can't possibly understand.  Or that He's not as important as other stuff?!  And yet, in a way that is even larger than the way that I love my son (which, again, is ridiculously hard to conceptualize) God just keeps on loving us.  He will wait for us.  He will cry for us.  He will be available for us.  God's love never, ever ends.  It doesn't matter what you've done in your life.  It doesn't matter how many mistakes you've made.  It doesn't matter who you've hurt, or how badly.  To God, the reality is this: I LOVE YOU!  I love you and I love you and I love you.  No matter what.  I couldn't love you anymore, and I won't love you any less.  I love you.


                         4. I don't know why, exactly God lets bad things happen to good people.  I am not privy to the larger plan that I believe God has.  And, this is annoying to me, because I like to be in control and I like to know what's going on and I like to be able to plan accordingly.  Also, I think it sucks when great people undergo horrible stuff (and, also, I think it sucks when horrible people seem to get exactly what they desire, often at the cost of the good people).  But, here's the thing: if we say that we believe in God, and if we say that we believe that God uses all things together, according to His purpose, and if we say that we think the Scripture's right and true when it says that God knows every aspect of our lives, individually and corporately, then we have to trust NOT that the bad stuff happens for a reason, but that God uses the best AND WORST points in our lives to create us into the BEST that we can be.  Without access to God's daily planner, I can't really say much more than that, but that is PRECISELY where faith comes in.  Oh, and, by the way, if we DON'T believe that those things are true of God, then we might as well stop wasting our time away with worshiping Him, praying to Him, etc.  But, I don't buy that--not for a second--I believe that God is real, and that He is exactly who He claims to be...and more.

                       And God makes it easy on us.  For Him to do unbelievably great, grand and wonderful things, He doesn't require that we have perfect, unerring faith.  In Scripture, it says that faith as small as a MUSTARD SEED is sufficient for moving MOUNTAINS.  Have you ever seen a mustard seed?  I mean, the thing is SO stinkin' SMALL!!!  We hardly have to have any faith at all...maybe even just a passing breath of it, and God will use that and work with it.  And, sometimes, if we lack faith entirely, God will use the mustard seed-sized faith of someone ELSE to work in and through us and to move those mountains.

                       Of course, when God moves mountains--and I think that He does...constantly...(perhaps we don't even see some of the mountains in our lives, as He's already dealt with them for us)--but, anyway, when God moves mountains, He may not always move them the way we wish He would.  God's answers to our prayers aren't always what we want.  But they are always, always what we need.  Does it make it easier for us to deal with pain when someone says "oh, but it's what you NEED"?  Of course not.  You'd lose lots of friends if that was your response to their suffering.  Pain is pain.  Doubt and worry are very real and not to be taken lightly.  But my firm belief is that, as we continue to connect with God, to grow in relationship with Him, and to understand more and more about who He is, and about who He calls us to be, the easier it will be for us to deal with the challenges that we face.  Whenever we can arrive at the point in our lives when our will is only and entirely in accord with God's, we will also have arrived at the point where we can trust in God's love and knowledge and power, even in the midst of our pain, and know that, truly, He has our best interests at heart and knows exactly what He's doing.

God is bigger than our most painful pains, our most worrisome worries, our most regrettable regrets, and, lest we forget, He's also bigger than our most praise-worthy achievements, our most joyful joys, and our most loving love.  Why would we want anything other than to dwell in that reality?  To believe in that Truth?  To know God inasmuch as we are able, and to do as He asks us to do, knowing that He is trustworthy and that He loves us beyond all measure?

And I started out thinking this was going to be a short post........