Just As I Am.

I've come to realize that I'm a pretty fortunate person in a lot of ways, but there's a particular one that I want to highlight today: there are very few people in my life who try to turn me into someone that I'm not--who try to make me who they think I ought to be instead of being content with me as I am.

There are a lot of people, however, who care about me as me.  They know I'm quirky, and that's okay.  That is what makes me entertaining.  They know I'm a dork, and that's okay.  That's how I can relate to people--if you know a lot of things, then you can make people feel great about themselves by actively engaging with them in conversation about the topic of their choosing.  And, of course, everyone who knows me, even a little bit, knows that I have a story for everything, and, particularly, when it comes to music.  I probably drive my co-workers slightly crazy on those nights when, each time a new song comes on, I feel compelled to remind them that, "This song reminds me of my sophomore year of college, when I blah blah blah" or "This was a high school band song, " or, even, "This song was in the Starbucks music rotation back in 2003, too."  Nevertheless, I think everyone at work likes and respects me.  They even know I'm not particularly tidy.  And that I have a hard time making decisions.  And that I get really excited about something for a few months, only to get bored with it and find a new thing about which to be enthused.  All this stuff, and yet I am accepted and loved just as I am.

So, why is it that the people who are most critical of me--who seem most eager for me to change aspects of who I am--are the ones whose voices I hear in my head the most?  Why is it that I can't shake the negativity and replace it with the oodles and oodles of positive stuff that I hear?  Because self-confidence has been a personal struggle for me, anyway, this stuff only serves to make me feel less and less worthwhile as the person that I am.  I have to work very hard to remember that, though I'm certainly far from perfect, I'm also not a bad person.  I know I have room to grow, and always will, and that's a good thing.  But, everything I do can't possibly merit criticism, can it?  I mean, seriously, I was created this way.  I have been wired specially and uniquely.  I'm fearfully and wonderfully made.  On the days when the pressure seems to build because I'm being told to be someone that I'm not, I lean especially hard on the knowledge that, though I can't figure out exactly what it is that I'm supposed to be doing in life, the plan is just for me, just as I am.  And, I trust that that is good enough.